I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
