i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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