I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
