brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
