You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
