no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
