Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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