were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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