this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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