So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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