I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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