peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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