Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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