Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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