he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
