She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do vagina's smell?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
