matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
