I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
