either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
