bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
