The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
