Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
