you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
