Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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