He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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