i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
