I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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