sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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