The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
