mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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