That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
