so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
