I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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