i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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