i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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