oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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