You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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