I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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