He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
