Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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