Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
