I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
one might say we're banned from that church
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
