Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
