And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
