can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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