You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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