I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
