he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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