i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
