the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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