I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
