i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
