He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
